Perhaps I could've wasted my days sleeping instead.Locking myself indoor; freeing myself from the nightly outings that has become somewhat routine to me.I miss slumber time.I miss shutting my mind off from this hectic filthy world. I think the cure for anything is just sleep. Like my shitty depression or this chronic cough problem I had since three weeks ago.I need to sleep.
Perhaps I will.I might.
I wont.
Insomnia, you're like that annoying ex lover that keeps coming back into my empty life.sigh.
7.17.2012
cold.
I think my loneliness serves me as this drive for all these useless nocturnal activities.It's not that I'm calling out for anyone.I think my only problem in life is that I lack the proper contacts that would cheer me up when I feel like shoving my head into the oven.I know at times I played myself to be this misunderstood introvert, but introverts too need a little conversation running between them and other strangers.otherwise the monologues might take it's toll on them and they too become sick of themselves.I know I am.
I think I'm running out of sense.If that even make sense to begin with.I hate when people leave me.But I understand the pain of not having them in the first place.
I think I'm running out of sense.If that even make sense to begin with.I hate when people leave me.But I understand the pain of not having them in the first place.
7.16.2012
Inland Empire
"I figured one day I'd just wake up and and find out what the hell yesterday was all about. I'm not too keen on thinkin' about tommorow. And today's slipping by."
I decided out of boredom to combine two of my most indulged past time together. So I am basically going to start stalking and raping people now. Kidding. I am actually going to combine writing and my love for strange and mindfucking films together. Although this decision has yet to be cemented yet.I guess I'll write more on my fave films here as well as my other mundane interests. Who knows? I could even write about stalking and raping people too.Again, that was a joke.
And off to this film. Inland Empire.Now, I've been a fan of David Lynch much sooner than I should've. I wasn't at all a true fanatic as I jumped between his films without much used of the chronological order.But I was lucky to have finally followed this method because if I had never seen Mullholand Dr. first, I wouldn't have pursued his other works such Inland Empire or Blue Velvet. And boy, is Inland Empire a gem.
Now to formally explain what Lynch's films are about would require me to gather the very patience and energy I don't have to come up with a research paper (which, fortunately, can be found in the web thanks to google and the many films fanatic out there), I'll just spare you the detail and summarize what the whole experience of watching Inland Empire would be like.
Think a long exhausting,mesmerizing and confusing daydream. That and mixed with emotional rampages and traumas. Scattered visuals of both gibberish and intense memories.And you'll probably get what this beautiful film is all about.And off to the plot; well, let's just say that Lynch's latest films are barely about logic.They are more about leaving emotional impacts to viewers and leaving them awed and confused.Especially with this one.
But if you need a synopsis to fret about then Inland Empire is basically for me the emotional/psychological/semi-spiritual journey an actress named Nikki Grace takes after a string of events that managed to stir her life into the very chaos she's in while she was preparing for a role in a said to be cursed picture. Although, I think the movie emphasize so much on what's going in her head but also confuses the viewers by mixing in all these other sub-plots in them that I think just makes the story a lot more fascinating. Of course, like most of his films, I believe Lynch wanted this to be as open ended as possible.So this film is however one wants it to be, all depending on one's interpretation.
In my opinion, I felt as though this film was the emotional dagger that I've been looking for in the longest while.The way it was beautifully shot and the way the plot carefully alters into this tangled web of raw sentiment of being purely lost in one's psyche.I could somehow relate to the lead character even if I was at certain point, repulsed by her wickedness.But by the end of it all, I can't help but sympathize her for slipping into the damnation of her madness.But to be truthful, it wasn't until I had a 12 hours of sleep after watching the film that I came up with this opinion. This movie is like those strange dreams you had that you can't remember and make sense of, not until something triggered you.
Well, my being overdosed of caffein triggered this whole blog post. So yeah, there you have it.I can't say if I love this film to bits or just awed by how confused and befuddled it made me.But it forever earn a spot in my collection of amazing films.
Anyway, have a great day, strangers.
I decided out of boredom to combine two of my most indulged past time together. So I am basically going to start stalking and raping people now. Kidding. I am actually going to combine writing and my love for strange and mindfucking films together. Although this decision has yet to be cemented yet.I guess I'll write more on my fave films here as well as my other mundane interests. Who knows? I could even write about stalking and raping people too.Again, that was a joke.
And off to this film. Inland Empire.Now, I've been a fan of David Lynch much sooner than I should've. I wasn't at all a true fanatic as I jumped between his films without much used of the chronological order.But I was lucky to have finally followed this method because if I had never seen Mullholand Dr. first, I wouldn't have pursued his other works such Inland Empire or Blue Velvet. And boy, is Inland Empire a gem.
Now to formally explain what Lynch's films are about would require me to gather the very patience and energy I don't have to come up with a research paper (which, fortunately, can be found in the web thanks to google and the many films fanatic out there), I'll just spare you the detail and summarize what the whole experience of watching Inland Empire would be like.
Think a long exhausting,mesmerizing and confusing daydream. That and mixed with emotional rampages and traumas. Scattered visuals of both gibberish and intense memories.And you'll probably get what this beautiful film is all about.And off to the plot; well, let's just say that Lynch's latest films are barely about logic.They are more about leaving emotional impacts to viewers and leaving them awed and confused.Especially with this one.
But if you need a synopsis to fret about then Inland Empire is basically for me the emotional/psychological/semi-spiritual journey an actress named Nikki Grace takes after a string of events that managed to stir her life into the very chaos she's in while she was preparing for a role in a said to be cursed picture. Although, I think the movie emphasize so much on what's going in her head but also confuses the viewers by mixing in all these other sub-plots in them that I think just makes the story a lot more fascinating. Of course, like most of his films, I believe Lynch wanted this to be as open ended as possible.So this film is however one wants it to be, all depending on one's interpretation.
In my opinion, I felt as though this film was the emotional dagger that I've been looking for in the longest while.The way it was beautifully shot and the way the plot carefully alters into this tangled web of raw sentiment of being purely lost in one's psyche.I could somehow relate to the lead character even if I was at certain point, repulsed by her wickedness.But by the end of it all, I can't help but sympathize her for slipping into the damnation of her madness.But to be truthful, it wasn't until I had a 12 hours of sleep after watching the film that I came up with this opinion. This movie is like those strange dreams you had that you can't remember and make sense of, not until something triggered you.
Anyway, have a great day, strangers.
It feels like a decade;
I honestly can't figure out exactly what it was that kept me so occupied for the past whole year.and I also can't tell if it had been a year or so.All I know is that last's night rummaging through anonymous blogs had kept me somewhat entertained thus inspired this random and meaningless comeback.I don't have friends here in blogger (nor do I have any/much in other internet social platforms) so I know an apology for my absent serves not only pointless but also stupid.And since this has always been my go-to device for intense emotional outbursts, I believe it deserves a little life ranting.
Things had been great and awful all the same.It's life.It has always been trivial and bipolar and retarded that way.I lived and died the past few years as I were expected to .I'm not keen on going anymore detailed than to just summarize the many events that were a page turner (well, at least to me). Let's see, I broke up, finally stayed in a band that I give a shit about, screwed up in college and then redempt myself shortly after, finally in peace with the parents and sisters, took a chance in some designing work and had okay outcomes, worked in a cinema for fun, my fave cat died, remained isolated from all of my best friends for more than a year (or longer),learnt the meaning of getting fucking wasted, went to Singapore with my own band thus using my own money (this is a big deal for me,cause normally I couldn't even afford to buy food sometimes), met lots of new crazy interesting people, cheated, lose weight, gain weight...
I guess there's more but they appear to have no value for me to be listing them here.Anyway, I know neither of those were as emotional as I'd imagined them to be.haha..I guess I did grow cold or I've sold my soul to the devil which contributed to my little band's few success.I promise you that it could just be that my timing is off right now and that I am massively tired and on the verge of a brain coma.I'll write more soon.Perhaps when I'm done pursuing for philosophies in late eighties or nineties sci-fi/psychological horror flicks.Here's a little quote from The Devil's Advocate",good night;
"You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire; you build egos the size of cathedrals; fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse; grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies, until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own God... and where can you go from there?"
Things had been great and awful all the same.It's life.It has always been trivial and bipolar and retarded that way.I lived and died the past few years as I were expected to .I'm not keen on going anymore detailed than to just summarize the many events that were a page turner (well, at least to me). Let's see, I broke up, finally stayed in a band that I give a shit about, screwed up in college and then redempt myself shortly after, finally in peace with the parents and sisters, took a chance in some designing work and had okay outcomes, worked in a cinema for fun, my fave cat died, remained isolated from all of my best friends for more than a year (or longer),learnt the meaning of getting fucking wasted, went to Singapore with my own band thus using my own money (this is a big deal for me,cause normally I couldn't even afford to buy food sometimes), met lots of new crazy interesting people, cheated, lose weight, gain weight...
I guess there's more but they appear to have no value for me to be listing them here.Anyway, I know neither of those were as emotional as I'd imagined them to be.haha..I guess I did grow cold or I've sold my soul to the devil which contributed to my little band's few success.I promise you that it could just be that my timing is off right now and that I am massively tired and on the verge of a brain coma.I'll write more soon.Perhaps when I'm done pursuing for philosophies in late eighties or nineties sci-fi/psychological horror flicks.Here's a little quote from The Devil's Advocate",good night;
"You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire; you build egos the size of cathedrals; fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse; grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies, until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own God... and where can you go from there?"
8.31.2011
here it comes again.
and so i overfed myself with meat and other carnivorous cravings.i don't know if it was the excessive food or that treacherous time of the month again,but i feel it coming.by it i mean the random evil dark being that will soon take control of me.and i am not even being superstitious.i can already see myself arguing about almost anything if not sit in a corner trying to contain myself.i feel like murdering someone.to take a hammer and bash their heads.over and over and over again.i feel so angry.and i don't really know why.and i am starting to see that this poignant life is just pointless.i hate everything and everyone.and i am restless.ever so fucking restless.i've been dreaming a lot lately.and most of my dreams are either stupid or simple.both of which had no real impact for me.
i feel like killing myself.
or killing someone.
p m-fucking-s.
i feel like killing myself.
or killing someone.
p m-fucking-s.
8.28.2011
curse them stomach linings.
let me explain myself before i sound further like the immature rebel that i grew out of.yes,for the past few days i have been suffering through the most excruciating gastroenteritis, if you don't know what that is,it's just a fancy way of me saying that i have gastric.and since diarrhea,facial and stomach bloating and severe stomach cramps comes with the territory,i have no intention of sharing them here.but since blogging is my pride,i guess i'll just write it out here in the open.like anyone reads this anyways,lol.
anyway, i went to the clinic last night.and the doctor gave me some meds and told me that it might clear up within a few days or two.but i am just crossing my fingers that it'll end today.the cons of this whole situation would be;i am now unable to eat spicy foods anymore,yeayyys (this is me being sarcastic).so no more tabasco,no more wasabi,no more bird chilies and no more whatever it was that made my meals more edible:(
did i cry about this?yes,only because i am immature like that.partly because i love spicy food.anyways,i bought a new camera yesterday.it's a pentax rs 1000.it's functional.and has an interchangeable cover and all.i like it.but if i had a choice,i'd gotten the pentax dslr in hot pink.but heyy,beggars can't be choosers.besides,as long as i am able to snap photos occasionally with it than i am fine.fine like a flamingo.
anypoop,this is gay of me admitting,but i miss my boyfriend,i miss my friends, and i miss my cats.i feel as though my life is a tad bit empty lately.and i haven't been productive at all.i've been stressing out even when there is no reason to.the doc said my blood pressure is relatively increasing.and it's strange for a person of my age.i don't know.i haven't been able to sleep well lately.kept waking up at 2 a.m and kept hearing strange noises.i don't care if it's paranormal or psychological,i just want it to end and to finally have a good night rest.
anyway, i went to the clinic last night.and the doctor gave me some meds and told me that it might clear up within a few days or two.but i am just crossing my fingers that it'll end today.the cons of this whole situation would be;i am now unable to eat spicy foods anymore,yeayyys (this is me being sarcastic).so no more tabasco,no more wasabi,no more bird chilies and no more whatever it was that made my meals more edible:(
did i cry about this?yes,only because i am immature like that.partly because i love spicy food.anyways,i bought a new camera yesterday.it's a pentax rs 1000.it's functional.and has an interchangeable cover and all.i like it.but if i had a choice,i'd gotten the pentax dslr in hot pink.but heyy,beggars can't be choosers.besides,as long as i am able to snap photos occasionally with it than i am fine.fine like a flamingo.
anypoop,this is gay of me admitting,but i miss my boyfriend,i miss my friends, and i miss my cats.i feel as though my life is a tad bit empty lately.and i haven't been productive at all.i've been stressing out even when there is no reason to.the doc said my blood pressure is relatively increasing.and it's strange for a person of my age.i don't know.i haven't been able to sleep well lately.kept waking up at 2 a.m and kept hearing strange noises.i don't care if it's paranormal or psychological,i just want it to end and to finally have a good night rest.
8.21.2011
so the nights are being kind to you.
i swore i take cat naps more seriously now than i do actual sleep.i am becoming an owl.a starving one in fact.i haven't ate a whole meal in 4 days now.no, i am not being anorexic.it's just typical effie when she's sick of something.i have college within a few more hours.but i honestly don't care.i find it routine to tear my body into an overdrive.abusive i know,but totally applicable.
anyway,today i went for a movie with my sister and my boyfriend.and it was sweet.i could tell it wasn't easy for him to face me regarding the terrible deed i'd done.but he tried nonetheless. on our way home,he lend me his pen tablet and gave me this birthday card he made for my birthday which was 2 weeks ago.and when i checked it out just now,i broke down in tears.
i am the dumbest girl in this entire planet.this boy would kill for me and i almost lost that.all thanks to the need of wanting that one last taste of being my ex's.
i will marry you if fate let me,merr.i'll marry you and make you babies and cook you dinner.you
are my "one".
anyway,today i went for a movie with my sister and my boyfriend.and it was sweet.i could tell it wasn't easy for him to face me regarding the terrible deed i'd done.but he tried nonetheless. on our way home,he lend me his pen tablet and gave me this birthday card he made for my birthday which was 2 weeks ago.and when i checked it out just now,i broke down in tears.
i am the dumbest girl in this entire planet.this boy would kill for me and i almost lost that.all thanks to the need of wanting that one last taste of being my ex's.
i will marry you if fate let me,merr.i'll marry you and make you babies and cook you dinner.you
are my "one".
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