shun my thoughts.let's hear them again.

those white noises and crystal beats.i feel this urge to cry.and to break.and then become whole again.for my strength has always been the will to numb everything out.without abuse.without struggle.i can just swallow pride.and be content.smile.and ache.and feel as though life has always been a silly joke.if i must take this seriously,then i should with others.unfortunately for me,i am unable to will myself so.i guess i'll just stay in this.this state of in denial if you must call it.i just choose not to have a name for it.for whatever it is,it is almost comforting.