11.27.2012

Dear annonymous,

I decided out of sanity that I should finally discard you. As beautiful and as charming as you are, I  am just far too exhausted to be you're little play thing. I have a heart you know, one's that's terribly bruised and scarred from all the wrong steps I took. I need some mending but never an excuse to waste my time or my pride for all that matters. I had loved you even before I met you. Even as the rumour I've caught in the mouths of mutual friends.I decided when I found you that I would love you skin deep and flaws included. I decided to fight for you and not be bothered by the terrible things I have to do for you. I never gave up. even when I did, I always returned with full strength. perhaps I am too young for you. I am after all 21 and reckless. or perhaps you're just sick of girls my age. Funny how you would consider them and not me. Funny how you would rather fight for them even when they didn't love you as much as I did. and it's extremely hilarious how I even came to want you in the first place.

I wonder, what am I to you? and what does my effort means to you? or do you doubt my love ever existed ? even when I would kill just to make ends meet for you.

I am exhausted. I am just not up for all of this. my naivety too has a limit you know. I can't always be relying on optimism and miracles alone. I needed you to make a move and I needed you to choose me.

But I know now, even in the perfect world, that would never be thing a person like you would do. and perhaps I have been blind-sighted to believe that you were for me all along.

I hope one day, I could grow cold like you and not believe in all this "love" nonsense. I hope I could be stronger. be wiser and less impulsive. I wish I could pretend that I'm not that child who believes in a prince charming.

I wish I could embrace pain and accept this. But for now, I think I just want to destroy myself. and that begins with discarding you.

1 comment:

  1. it was the timing, not you. don't destroy yourself.

    ReplyDelete

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